men with ed
â™ª theme music â™ª what's in a thought? just a thought-psht? a lot more than most of uswould imagine. when you have a thought,when i have a thought, you know what takes place? immediately, there is triggeredin your brain and in my brain an electrochemical response thatsurges throughout our body, and electrical magnetic waves goesthrough every part of your being
and every part of my beingbecause it's all linked up together when we have asingle thought. in fact, when you and i have asingle thought, over five hundred billionreactions take place just that instant withone thought. now we've identified only abouttwo thousand of those reactions;but that's how magnificently we areconstructed. and if we could hear thesechemical waves, and these
electric waves as they gothrough our body with every thought, i think you would heara mighty symphony being played. a thought-a single thought. in other words, it's almost likeyour brain and my brain is a kind of laboratory, and when wehave a single thought in your brain and in my brain; chemicalsare given off and electrical impulses are given off thataffect everything about you, and everything about mejust with a pwhoo-singlethought-single thought...
i have a little book someonegave me entitled, who switched off my brain? the author of this book saysit's so important how our brain functions and what we thinkabout; this author says that 87% of all physical and mentalillnesses stem and originate with our thoughts-87%. and her thesis, the author ofthis book, she says there's only 13% of your illness and myillness, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically,etc...
comes from our environment,from the food we eat, or from our dna makeup. now i would debate with thatstudy. i think you could reverse it andsay, "well, what do we eat?" and our environment and our dnaaffects our health, and therefore, that affects ourthought process, so i think it's like arguing thechicken and the egg. which is more important? the body to wholeness andhealth,
or the mind to wholeness andhealth? and i don't think anybody knows. the returns are not in. the truth is, we know more aboutsaturn relates to mars way out there in the ionosphere, than weknow of how your brain and my brain relates toour bodies. we still don't know very muchabout that, but we do know they are tiedtogether. we know they are united, mindand body, and we've discovered
that in marriage, it is thewhole body and the whole life of a person engaging with someoneof the opposite sex in marriage, and it takes place with awhole life, and the whole body of theother person. you can't just have body tobody; you have also have to havelife to life. life to life, body to bodyis marriage. body to body is adultery outsideof marriage. and by the way, unless someonegets too pious here,
need to understand that everyone of us here have broken every one of the commandments. anybody want to debate that? that's what jesus said. he took it away just from thephysical act and said in our minds-in our minds, we breakthis commandment, and he says if we don't clean up our minds, weneed to take radical action. it's pretty radical to punch outone eye, isn't it? to cut off one hand...
he did not mean that literally. he was saying there are thingswe have to run from; we have to cut out of our lives in order tobe pure; in order to have marriages that grow and sizzle,that are relevant and practical for this21st century. and so we're talkingabout adultery. there is mental adultery; thereis physical adultery, and the physical adultery is deadlier. we can't really rank sin, thoughmental adultery is also deadly.
but physical adultery plays backinto your body and into my body when we commitphysical adultery. that's what paul says, see? that's what paul says... it, it affects who you areinside more than any other sin-sexual immoralitydoes. to show you how serious it is,there was a group of women. when their kids got in school, they decided they wouldstudy french.
and so eleven women got in afrench class together, and they were one day at a meal, and oneof women, they got close and they would share their thoughtsand share a little extra, extracurricular activity withthe other women, and they were, and one woman said,"well, how many of us..." (eleven of them) "how many ofyou women have been faithful to your marriage, faithful toyour husband all the time you've beenmarried?" and one hand went up out ofeleven.
now a woman went home and toldher husband-said we were eating together, and, and named thewoman who asked how many had been faithful and said only onehand went up, and she said, "that wasn't my hand." and her husband said, wha, wha,what? you've been unfaithful?" she said, "oh no! i haven't been unfaithful, buti didn't raise my hand." and the husband said, "well, whydidn't you raise your hand?"
and she said, "i was ashamed." that's like being ashamed thatwhen there's a flu epidemic, you don't have the flu! this is our world, andthere's so many kinds of deadly affairs. look up there. i want you to see all thekinds of affairs. we put some names-this isnot original with me-some names of, affairs.
there's the friendshipaffair-self-explanatory. there's the office affair. there's be a good neighboraffair. there's a cup of coffee affair. there's the seize the momentaffair. there's the people helperaffair. there's the old acquaintancefair, affair. stop right there for a minute. we have a counseling service inour church
you may or may not know about. we have twelve psychotherapists,godly men in trai, men and women-christians who,who work in counseling, and they tell me that thereis an epidemic of affairs that start withfacebook. they start online. someone runs down someone theywent to college, they went to high school with; someone theyused to know in their hometown. they begin to talk, and they,they exchange pictures with
them, and they may even showthem to their mate; but said this has led to somuch immorality, you wouldn't believe it. in fact, there, there's alawyer's group that specialized in divorce, and they just cameout with this statistic. said, "81% of those who aretrying to prove infidelity in their marriagehave used facebook and the correspondence that took onthere. therefore, in our counseling,you know what
we say to every married person? get off facebook! get out of all this junk becauseit leads you astray. it's happening over and overagain in our culture. (audience applauds). another kind of affair-that'sthe old acquaintance. the same interest affair. you know, we like the samethings, we're so luck mo... uh, the western affair.
let me stop and explain thatone. the western affair is like, youknow, the guy who puts a notch in his gun everytime he kills somebody, the old westerns? well there's some men whoput notches in their belt every time they sleepwith a woman. oh yeah, very prominentin our culture. sure... and then the last one,the pornographic affair.
primarily men, some women. did you know that's anepidemic in america? listen carefully:the 7th largest business in the united states ispornography. and some believe it is the most profitable business inamerica today. and it touches christiansespecially-all of us, but christians especiallybecause it is pleasurable, and it is secret.
and we have the idea that itdoesn't hurt anybody, forgetting that pornography is anadulterous endeavor that rips out your soul and will destroythe heart of your marriage, your christian witness, andaffect you and your family for years, and years, andyears to come. it is highly addictive. what we hear, what we see,and it is a devastating, devastating habit,and a deadly habit. we have hundreds of men, rightnow in our church in
support groups who are cryingout for help, saying it's taken the very lifeand vitality out of them. as young boys, it wasmasturbation, and now it moves into pornography and anotherarea, and it is deadly gentlemen-don't think there'sno harm, no foul. it affects the deepest partof your soul. let's look at the threemajor causes. these are big categories. there, there are, there arehundreds of causes of adultery,
but i, i put them underthree big categories. i think you could putall the other causes as subsets under this. look at it on your screen. first of all, undevelopedemotion, undeveloped emotions. if you marry somebody who'sstill adolescent. if you marry somebody like that, that's a setup for adultery. by the way, these causesdoesn't mean,
"well, i have a licensefor adultery..." don't, don't make it, don't makethat mistake. i'm not saying that by any... i am saying these aregeneral causes, general realms for adultery. so, undeveloped emotions,adolescent. what's an adolescent? best definition i've everheard-adolescent is someone who's split right in the middle.
someone on this side is anadult; on that side is a child. teenagers, right? one minute a teenage girl willmake a decision. you'll say, "i'm so proudof her! she's made a big-time,adult decision..." and the next hour,she'll make a decision. you say, "you know, she actslike she's 9 years old!" that's an adolescent. and a lot of us havemarried adolescents.
a lot of peoplemarry adolescents. they've still got theseemotional holds. all of us are not totallymature-i understand that. but some people are really,really immature in so many, many areas. for example, the area ofbeing spoiled. if you married somebodyelse-their mom and dad, they just-the wo, the sun would riseand set on that son and daughter-"boy, i'm going to givethem anything and everything,
and i want to provide for them and have the things i didn'thave..." and they're totally spoiled. if you married someone likethat and they've had a token of success in life,that's a setup. they're, they're a setup forsomebody who says, "well, i deserve this. i work hard, andi am successful..." i'm thinking of, of a couple,and he, he slept with a lot
of kids when he was inhigh school, and he married this beautiful, wonderful girl,and they joined the church, and they had a couple ofchildren. after about three years, hebegan to sleep around and go here and go there at meetings,and he became an adulterer. and finally it was discovered,and, and they asked him why in a counseling environment, andhe said, you know, "is it a problem with the kids?" "we got great kids..."
"problem with your wife?" "oh no, i love her! we have wonderful, uh, loverelationship together." "is it a problem with your job?" "oh no! i'm doing fine there..." "is it a problem..."? "no, no...everything was great." "well then why do you,why are you unfaithful?"
and he finally said, "well,i guess it's that forbidden fruit thing..." know about the forbidden fruitthing? here's adam and eve in thegarden of eden. they had-god said, "you can eatof the fruit of the trees of all these garden, all thesetrees-thousands of trees! man, isn't that enough for you,adam? except one-just one. out of all the trees on theplanet in a pristine
environment, only one tree youcan't eat out of, adam!" "oh! just that one?" it's the forbidden fruitthing... remember "candid camera"? some of us remember that. remember, they, sometime they'dwalk down the street, and one they had a wall there, and theyhad a big hole there and says, "don't look through thishole..."
(audience laughs). and they took pictures of peoplewho walked by it. well normally you wouldn'tlook through the hole, but the don't-and theywould look... uh, the other day in, in thehall of the church, they, they'd painted, and they'd put up asign, "wet paint." and i walked by in themorning-"wet paint"-and i came back by about an hour later andit was still up, and i said, "you know, i wonder if thatpaint's dried?"
it hadn't dried! there's something aboutprohibitions, isn't it? that, that's like kids,teenagers, adolescents. "don't you smoke!" well, you get a chance to smoke,and you know, well, you're gonna do it! paul tournier, thepsychotherapist said that children begin to grow up whenthey begin to do things in secret, not necessarilybad thi...
secret from their parents; whenthey begin to have things they don't tell their parents, like alittle girl. the parents said, "now when yougo and walk across the street, make sure you walk on this sideand not on that side..." but her friend took her and shewalked on the street on that side, and she didn't tell herparents. see, that's a part of growingup. that's childishness, anda lot of people in marriages are stilladolescents.
"oh, i, i can't do that! that's wrong!" oh, it has unusual appeal asthey begin to play that pornograph in your mind, and youplay it out in reality and have some rationalization-"well,my marriage isn't all that i thought it was gonna be!" you married a kid,an adolescent. look at the next one. unresolved conflict.
you know, in a lot of families,the way conflict is handled, usually the male-they just,"i'm not going to argue. i'm through..." then we just go into our cocoon;we go into our shell. we're not gonna argue. "just go ahead-you have yourproblem. i'm not gonna get with it..." and a lot of marriages, whenthere's unresolved conflict, you know, they, they, they're in thering together, and they're
boxing, and finally the husbandgoes in his corner, and the wife goes in her corner, and theystay in their corner. you live your life; i live mylife, and they never do really relate until they come in themiddle of the ring, exchange a few blowsnow and then. then they go back in theircorner... am i speaking to anybody? what should happen? ii corinthians 5:18 says, "weare reconciled with god."
jesus christ gets you and meright with god. isn't that terrific? and therefore, because we getright with god, then we are to be in the business ofreconciliation. what needs to happen to this manor woman in the corner-they need to say, "o' god, revive mymarriage, my heart." and they need to see where thereinvolvement in silence, or whatever the situation and getright with god on their knees, and then get up and go and walkin the middle of the ring
-if necessary, walk on theother side of the ring and try to find mutualreconciliation. there'll be conflicts. we've got to know how to resolvethose conflicts in marriage, and the way to do it is not tobury it and cover it up andpush it down. this is what happens. and a way to handle some ofthese confli... what are the conflicts over?
children, money, sex, schedule-i mean, a lot of things, a lot ofthings conflict. and how do we avoid some ofthat? ephesians 4-"don't let the sungo down on your wrath." man, don't, don't go to sleepuntil you begin to talk, begin to get your hearts and livestogether. now you have to stay up late alot of nights. jo beth and i have. don't go to sleep.
don't let the sun go down onyour wrath. when you let the sun, your heart is bruisedover a conflict. one mate is bruised. you sleep on it. the next morning, that bruisedheart becomes a cold heart. you know how that is-you're nice, but, you're just too nice,you know... cold.
don't look so pious! you know exactly whati'm talking about, every married person here... it, in a bruised heart, youspend the night with that; it becomes a cold heart. you stay with it a week or so,it becomes a hard heart. now you've intensified theproblem. you stay longer than that, itbecomes an apathetic heart. by the way, when a couple comesand they're fighting and
arguing, that's anencouragement. it's when they come and they,they're apathetic. they'll say, "you know, i don'treally care-psht! hah-i'm just-psht! i, i don't have-it doesn'tmatter, whatever she does, whatever he does-makes nodifference..." you see, that's when the holyspirit really has to do a work. so a lot of unresolved conflict,when someone can be with someone else and, and, and there's notconflict, no matter what the
situation, and there can beintimacy there. there can be sharing there. all of a sudden they end up inbed. it's because they go home and there's so much conflictthere... you gotta deal with it. bring it out in the open. turn the lights on! third thing: unmet needs.
everybody has needs. the difference between thecreator and the creature is needs. the creator, god the father,god the son, god the holy spirit-they are aself-contained entity, the god is. the god head is self-contained. there is all there to give thefullness. god doesn't need anything.
god is a self-contingent being. we are contingent beings ashuman beings. though we're made in the imageof god, we all have needs. a new-born babe hasmore needs than any other animal, remember,on this earth? a baby needs a longer time ofcare than any other animal, and when that child is growing,the little girl says, "did i do good, mom"? "you did good, sarah!"
"dad, would, would i-i'msorry..." "oh, it's all right, billy." they need support,and they have needs -all kinds of physical,emotional needs. we have to be there to hug, andto help, and to counsel, and to laugh, and to tease,and to discipline. all those needs... when we grow up, do we haveneeds no longer? certainly we have needs.
certainly we have needs,and we need appreciation. wives, i want you to listen tome: you need appreciation, but your husband, men need aboutfive times more appreciation than women. i don't know why -we'rejust a weaker sex. we are! gentlemen, we need moreappreciation than the women-not that we shouldn't appreciate andadmire women. certainly that's a part ofmeeting their need; but men
really need it, and when theycome and feel like it's only man, what i can get out of you,what i want you to do, how you want... also, in your wife oryour husband, accept them the way they are. i thought for years i marriedthe only woman in the world that couldn'tbe trained. we've got to quit trying totrain them-man and women, men and women.
accept them! and that leads people intoaffairs because the mate is not accepting them, warts and all,and know that god will continue to doa work with them. god's not finished with them; he's not finished withyou or me. there has to be acceptance, andthere has to be affection, genuine affection with oneanother. so, so this is the unmet needsthat are there, and when these
needs are not met, it setsanybody up for somebody else to come in and to destroy,and to undercurt, undercut that relationship. i want to say two things. i want to say these two thingsas dogmatically, as simply, but as powerfully as i can statethem-two things. write it in steel in your heartand your mind. i'm not going to stumble. i want to say simply two thingsto everybody here: number one,
adultery is a cosmic sin,because someone who destroys the trust in a marriage and thecommitment of a marriage one time, ten times, or whatever;you have committed a cosmic sin, and you're saying that yourpleasure, or this moment in time goes against everythinggod has taught, and everything god holds sacred. adultery is a cosmic sin. it's no little peccadillo or alittle casual kind of liaison-not at all!
it's a cosmic sin. number two: adultery is not theunpardonable sin. we've got to clean upour mind -there's that mental adultery. some have to clean up theirwhole bodies... there is that physical adultery; but god is in the cleansingbusiness. if we confess our sin, he isable and just to forgive our sin and to cleanse us of all thetrash,
including adultery in our lives. that's the grace of god. adultery is a cosmic sin, but itis not the unpardonable sin. and the bible says about sexualsin-run! don't tarry; don't explain away;don't back off a little bit-run! get out of there! flee! that's what joseph did. that's what paul told timothyto do,
and that's what we have to do. you don't cut back, cut down,wean myself off of whatever this is and whatever relationshipis there, whether its mental orphysical-cut and run! take no prisoners! and you'll be amazed, a day, ortwo, or three, and it's one day at a time, god begins to setyou free. if, if we had hymnals here-theold hymn books, you can find a theme in hymn after hymn-hebreaks the power of cancelled
sin and sets the sinner free! freedom! freedom, forgiveness, his grace. it was created as a gift,but we have allowed it to become our one obsession. how can we survive in thissex-crazed culture? as a thank you for your donationof any amount, we want to send you dr. ed young's new series,sex crazed culture. in this five part series, dr.young explores god's true
design for sex, the destructivepower of an affair, and the deceptionof homosexuality. get your copy today by callingthe number on your screen or go online to winningwalk.org. let me introduce you to threeimportant letters: d.q.t. they stand for dailyquiet time. a dqt is time that we need toset aside to spend with the lord.
yep. reading his word and talking tohim and listening to him. it's the most important part ofeveryday. you want to grow, and grow withthe lord and begin a consistent walk withthe lord god almighty? listen, plan and build in yourschedule a d.q.t. now i have written a devotional that you can read anywhere youare. go to our website atwinningwalk.org
and sign up for our dailydevotional. you'll get an email with apassage of scripture and a brief thought that will help guide youin a personal time of worship
with the lord, jesus christ. it is a simple way to makethat dqt a built in, regular, scheduled part of your life. it will change everything!guaranteed!